Don’t call it a comeback –
What the what is going down!
Checking in here from Winter Break 2015.
I know I’ve for real for real been MIA. But I was partially nervous about writing. Partially-fully in the game just trying to survive and string my life together in a way that makes sense and keeps me here to be able to even share with you all. Sometimes I don’t think even I take into account how much energy that takes. I mean for all of us. But for me, I know that sometimes I just don’t even know how my life stays afloat.
Anyways… life is hard. Everyone’s life is hard. I’m just thankful that I’m here to be able to share with you guys again. Molding the life I want for myself is a struggle, but I’m immensely blessed and there’s never a second that goes by that I’m not aware and benefiting from that.
As I said though, at some point I had gotten… nervous to share which sometimes manifested as writers block. Its been about a year since I was sharing with you all consistently. A lot has happened, but overall, I feel like II had achieved my goal of documenting my journey of becoming a NYC teacher. It was a crazy time period. I transitioned into a different person. Not my final stage, but definitely evolved. That’s kind of striking. I mean, here I am turning 30 in 6 months. And looking back I’m really just appreciative of my time here. And all that I’ve been able to experience and accomplish in its totality.
At times I’ve felt like I’ve stumbled out of the blocks with this new phase that I’m pushing. Or maybe… not that way actually. I think I just couldn’t share with you all. Things were too fresh. I was still building foundations for some of my new goals and objectives and couldn’t really speak to my new ambitions. Not just yet. I tried and tried and tried to… And up until maybe two months ago I have some pretty decent records that I may tidy up and share. But, somewhere I just kept doubting my voice as valuable. At least without including valuable and vulnerable information about… my currently developing aspirations. I’m hoping to be past that now with opening a new well of… information and perspective. I want to play with format… Something more flexible. But stay tuned. I mean one thing is for sure I’ve definitely still been in the lab, trying to create my ass off! That has never and will never stop! I’ve been hustling and the learnings have been so amazing.
When I started this I wanted to create a roadmap for the homies coming after me. I used to be embarrassed to say that and proclaim that. Especially when we live in a world that is so dangerously otherly–absorbed. I don’t know that’s not the correct term. But giving isn’t the hotness. I’ll put it that way. Giving back, nurturing each other, supporting community and neighborly development isn’t what bringing in likes, yet. Its crazy getting to the point where I even feel like I can give advice on that subject. I mean I always ask the question who am I to open my mouth on this issue. Sometimes staying quiet seems like a gift that nobody but me wants. I can get away with that in most situations. Sitting in the back quietly trying not to be seen or noticed too much, you can’t hide too long when you’re working your ass off in practice, the game, and everything in between. I’ve always been a leader like that. I think I may have always gotten slack for that too. My energies are telling me that I need to change that. That that’s not my place anymore. I’m still working to acknowledge what that means for my journey and practice. But confidence is blossoming and I’m definitely taking hold.
I’m rambling. So I’ll close with Hello. I hope all is well. Whatever it is you’re trying to do, understand and believe that you can do it! Whole-heartedly. Allow your journey to guide you and let yourself become who you see yourself being.